Day 25

I know they keep saying to expect one step forward and 3 steps back but when the backwards steps happen it’s the most heartbreaking feeling ever.

Went to the hospital today to be told you had a bad day. You stopped breathing a few times this afternoon. In a way I’m glad I wasn’t there to see it as last week when it happened was the most horrific thing I’ve ever had to witness. They took an X-ray to see that your lungs were collapsing again even though you’re on the ventilator. You were then put in a high frequency output but you didn’t like it so they had to put you back as your stats were too low for them to keep trying.

Your stats were all over the place when we were there but your blood gas was showing you recovering. They plan to try you on the high frequency again later as it will be better for your lungs.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what to say to anyone. I feel like my world is literally falling apart bit by bit. My heart just feels heavy and I’m trying so hard not to cry. Once I start I can’t stop. Finally asked about seeing a councillor at the hospital. Probably see her next week.

I’m praying for you Olivia. Xxx